i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
