the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
