Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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