Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
