new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
