He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
