The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
