At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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