I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
