They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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