the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
