the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
