Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
