20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
