You can't special order awesome
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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