Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
