the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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