Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
