You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
why does every cop we meet know your name?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
