dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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