He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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