Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
