You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I could make wine with my vomit
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
