I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize