And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize