Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
