ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
