Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
