Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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