do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They took my balls.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
