I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
