God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
