I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize