just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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