2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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