PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
