Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
