Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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