When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
