I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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