Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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