FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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