I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
