nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
