Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
