Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
