I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize