Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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