Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
