K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
