The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
