Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
