just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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