Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
