My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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