I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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