You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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