wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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