ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize