i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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