How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
