i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
