Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
