Can i not drive my cunt home
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
