Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
