I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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