rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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