There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize