I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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