I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I could fuck to npr.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
