I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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