now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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