nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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