Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
