Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
