People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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