Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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