is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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