we made out on top of his cat.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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