I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
don't judge my taste in strippers
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
