I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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