My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
