how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
