She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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