Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Randomize
