Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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