It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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