hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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