I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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