I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
