She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I had to cum in my sink.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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