Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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