So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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