Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We got so high we made milksteak
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
