He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
