Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
