now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
