I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
