He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
