he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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