Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
