I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she told me i tasted like america
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
