just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
