This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
