Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
