dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
