what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm always down for nudity.
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