Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
