The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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