what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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